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Life
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Life You know the feeling you get... When the tears spring to your eyes as you bite your lip in the same spot for the 9 millionth time... And you say to yourself, why in the FUCK do I keep doing this to myself?? That seems to be my life these days. Constantly revisiting all those sore spots and reopening those wounds. I saw the Hippie last weekend when I was in Petoskey.... I reopened that wound. I had been feeling nostalgic, the 10 year anniversary of the first time we met was coming up and I just needed to talk. We'd had lunch and it was like old times.... talking and laughing. Also like old times were the conspiracy laden angry texts afterward about how much he hates his family, the world, and the end of life as we know it. Just like that, those tears sprang to my eyes as I bit my lip in the exact same spot for the 9 millionth time. Oh My Fucking God! Why do I keep doing this to myself?? I'm a horrible, rotten person to boot cause I revisited that old, bad situation and pulled off that scab for someone else as well. |
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It's ok.  I have moved on.
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Yah, I'll bet that doesnt.
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STOP We may not know each other personal I've read enough to know You are far from a Horrible Person Your avery Caring Person This is way you return to the seen of the crime. You hope things change People don't change You can't change people unless they what to change. So you thought after all this time thing could be different You found out not let go tell them that. Tell them that are not part of your life You had enough .. Today a new day for yourself. Be the happy person I know you are. XOXO......
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Part of me is hopeful that things will be different, and they never are. It doesn't matter how much time has passed.... Nothing is ever different. You are right, there is a reason why that person is in the past, I need to just learn to leave it there.
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Have been glutton for punishment myself in this way. Talking to long lost friends in a way that makes all the pain of the loss since feel more raw. I need to just ignore or block them, but in my own warped way...I still care about them and I can't bring myself to seal the door shut. Sending you (((HUGS)))
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Have been glutton for punishment myself in this way. Talking to long lost friends in a way that makes all the pain of the loss since feel more raw. I need to just ignore or block them, but in my own warped way...I still care about them and I can't bring myself to seal the door shut. Sending you (((HUGS)))
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STOP We may not know each other personal I've read enough to know You are far from a Horrible Person Your avery Caring Person This is way you return to the seen of the crime. You hope things change People don't change You can't change people unless they what to change. So you thought after all this time thing could be different You found out not let go tell them that. Tell them that are not part of your life You had enough .. Today a new day for yourself. Be the happy person I know you are. XOXO......
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I think we are hard-wired to seek comfort in familiarity. It doesn't help that our memories are clouded by strong emotions. You're not alone in opening wounds from the past. Allow yourself to feel the pain from the newly opened wound, then give yourself some grace to start a new day tomorrow.
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Maybe you are just an eternal optimist. And you see the best in this man and you want to believe that it can work. Im sorry it ended up feeling bad but you tried to check in with him. Most people dont change much.....
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Hang in there. Been there and done that, as have many others. Clarity will come in the quiet time, and then you will be better for the experience.
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I really think our funky feelings are due to the isolation from this so called pandemic. Get outside do something with you hands. Plant something and watch it grow. Happy Trails
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We live and crave the hugs and giggles..But it seems to be the tears we remember the most...Sometimes lifes a bitch..
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Sending love and light. Take care.
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Obviously there are some good things about the Hippie...things you like...or you wouldn't keep thinking of him, wanting to talk to him. But then the parts you don't like are brought back into focus when you do see each other again. If he wasn't interested in seeing you as well, I don't think he would meet you.
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I just wish I didn't feel disappointment each time I realize nothing has changed.
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Remember this my girl: As long as there is life, there is hope. Hope that things will change, hope that people will become different. Nope....not a horrible, rotten person at all. You just revisted and proved your re alive as your hope has not left you. The wounds...ahh well....we always get em....and we have remarkable reparative properties, we heal around the wounds somehow. Just like your lip...pretty soon it too will repair. Huggssss ~~
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I understand this insanity well. I think the stay at home orders are creating isolation and loneliness which pushes us to reconnect with the familiar, enough if that's not the smartest decision. Don't beat yourself up too badly.
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When I'm catching up with someone from my past and all those sick feelings start coming back, I appreciate the reminders that keeps me looking forward.
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I'm reminded of a line from Stephen King's "Pet Semetary"... "Sometimes, dead is better." 
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I'm sorry the wound still hasn't healed after 10 years 
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I have a lot that is changing in my life right now. Maybe deep down, I was seeking out something unchanged, and familiar.
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I'm sorry the wound still hasn't healed after 10 years 
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I'm reminded of a line from Stephen King's "Pet Semetary"... "Sometimes, dead is better."
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5/16/2021 9:44 am |
When I'm catching up with someone from my past and all those sick feelings start coming back, I appreciate the reminders that keeps me looking forward.
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I understand this insanity well. I think the stay at home orders are creating isolation and loneliness which pushes us to reconnect with the familiar, enough if that's not the smartest decision. Don't beat yourself up too badly. Do you have any Primal Urges ... I do, please CUMHANDLEME and explore some of my naughty and nice Primal ... Urges with me !!!
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Remember this my girl: As long as there is life, there is hope. Hope that things will change, hope that people will become different. Nope....not a horrible, rotten person at all. You just revisted and proved your re alive as your hope has not left you. The wounds...ahh well....we always get em....and we have remarkable reparative properties, we heal around the wounds somehow. Just like your lip...pretty soon it too will repair. Huggssss ~~
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Obviously there are some good things about the Hippie...things you like...or you wouldn't keep thinking of him, wanting to talk to him. But then the parts you don't like are brought back into focus when you do see each other again. If he wasn't interested in seeing you as well, I don't think he would meet you. Pagan  Hmmmm....I know I left that wand around here somewhere!
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Sending love and light. Take care. *. *. *
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5/16/2021 7:24 am |
Did you do more than talk Secret_lade? You deserve a guy that treats you right😘
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5/16/2021 6:59 am |
We live and crave the hugs and giggles..But it seems to be the tears we remember the most...Sometimes lifes a bitch..
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5/16/2021 6:45 am |
I really think our funky feelings are due to the isolation from this so called pandemic. Get outside do something with you hands. Plant something and watch it grow. Happy Trails
| ||
|
Hang in there. Been there and done that, as have many others. Clarity will come in the quiet time, and then you will be better for the experience.
| ||
|
Maybe you are just an eternal optimist. And you see the best in this man and you want to believe that it can work. Im sorry it ended up feeling bad but you tried to check in with him. Most people dont change much.....
| ||
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I think we are hard-wired to seek comfort in familiarity. It doesn't help that our memories are clouded by strong emotions. You're not alone in opening wounds from the past. Allow yourself to feel the pain from the newly opened wound, then give yourself some grace to start a new day tomorrow. “As with the butterfly, adversity is necessary to build character in people.” ~ JB Wirthlin 
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You know the feeling you get... When the tears spring to your eyes as you bite your lip in the same spot for the 9 millionth time... And you say to yourself, why in the FUCK do I keep doing this to myself?? That seems to be my life these days. Constantly revisiting all those sore spots and reopening those wounds. I saw the Hippie last weekend when I was in Petoskey.... I reopened that wound. I had been feeling nostalgic, the 10 year anniversary of the first time we met was coming up and I just needed to talk. We'd had lunch and it was like old times.... talking and laughing. Also like old times were the conspiracy laden angry texts afterward about how much he hates his family, the world, and the end of life as we know it. Just like that, those tears sprang to my eyes as I bit my lip in the exact same spot for the 9 millionth time. Oh My Fucking God! Why do I keep doing this to myself?? I'm a horrible, rotten person to boot cause I revisited that old, bad situation and pulled off that scab for someone else as well.
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